Unabashedly Myself While Also Wishing I Wasn't

I got a new job. Somehow it’s still tangentially related to customer service despite finally escaping the “on the ground” part of the industry. I am now a corporate slave. I attend meetings. I read spreadsheets. I make small talk with my coworkers. I have a cube that I have the option to decorate but sha’n’t because having a personality (whatever remains) is embarrassing. In addition, I also have a new ADHD diagnosis, so some things are making more sense, lately. Enjoy some new haiku, inspired by my new square, capitalist prison of greyish, joyless monotony and sweet, sweet silence. At least this job lets me wear headphones.

Uncertainty here

Like antelope and lions

Hello my name is…


Suspicious doe eyes

Searching for blood flecked across

Teeth bared in greeting


Beady crowlike eyes

Glance sideways at such fresh meat

Potential carcass


Really, small faux pas

Butterfly to hurricane

Should be feared the most


My cage has no door

My wings can carry me home but

I still need to eat


These square little walls

Have square little ears so I

Don’t breathe too loudly


Boredom is Cubic

Rubix of daydreams begets

Rhombic perspective


Why am I here, man?

Give me projects, goddammit

I’m hired to sit


Idle hands and mind

Beget no motivation

And online shopping


Smiling little chats

That never quite reach our eyes

Straw people, straw world


Clicking keys signal

I’m working, even though I

Write haiku instead


Frankly, I agree

Murder haiku was better

Than this sad bullshit


Just give it time now

I’m sure before long, again

I’ll write of murder

I got “promoted” to phones (against my will) at work so here’s a new set of phone-inspired Murder Therapy Haiku. Thank you.

Despite their squalling
Apathy consumes my soul
Short attention span

I daydream of this:
Reaching through the phone, wraith-like
Wringing all their necks

If one more person
Shouts in my ear for fuck knows
I’ll burn it all down

Handheld convenience
Oozing trypophobic sounds
Nightmare of voices

Buzzing Mosquitos
Wringing ill-gotten favours
Like blood from a stone

My script down by rote
Against nature, I resent
Audience numbers

I chase inner peace
As I listen to screeching
Zen is beyond me

Therapy Haiku

Customer service
Is a special kind of hell
Death wears a smile

Sanity fails me
I wrote this haiku so I
Won’t murder today 

It would be easy
I could use this lead pencil
To gouge an eye out

The next person here
Who snaps their fingers at me
I will feed to dogs

Tranquility seems
So far away from my reach
Hatred is closer

I should have tough skin
But entitled words cut deep
The blood won’t be mine

Haiku therapy
I cage hate in dread patterns
My bloodlust lessens

Uniform pristine
It’s my soul that is decayed
Bright smiles hide rage